It 's been a long time since he threw down two lines but I did not want to write something just to vent, I have preferred in recent months talking to people around him to cultivate the right conditions for civil relations with the other thing that maybe I did not do for some time.
2008 was undoubtedly a very introspective year for me.
I was forever stained by the sin of the flesh and who knows me knows very well what I'm talking about.
I tried to meet the man of my life attending.
I tried hopelessly trying to figure out where he could be the error, I realized that probably the "bad" I have no doubt I'm the one who is never happy, I'm the guy that if he something beautiful tends to spoil everything without thinking about two minutes, I'm the one that more than sex and a cigarette later fails to build.
I understand that love is not made of materiality, however, have received millions of gifts, clothes, objects, red roses that you probably do not deserve me, I was bought used, a whore of the time thinking that maybe that was the love you seek, the love that he could give me anything, actually hid his presents the eternal insecurity, I wanted a mature man is a man who could guide me, protective, a man who could advise me and let me live but 'only thing that tied me to him and this made me him off were his objects.
I understand that a man who always gives you unconditionally and when you ask something is not a man for me, for me that I did alone, for me that I have always been independent, I had my money and everything I've always wanted with my strength.
I understand that a surprise is much more beautiful when it is unexpected, when it is requested when you suffer and you expect something that does not arrive.
do not know if this is masochism, though I like to hurt me, I know for certain that objectively the 2008 gave me the opportunity to try to rebuild something new and that perhaps I was not ready, I felt inappropriate in certain situations eternally out of place.
I loved certain moments where I was alone, to cry to see if someone was pushing me hard toward the right, in those moments when I hit rock bottom with only my arms are moved up thanks to my mother that I ever was although it is always close to 2000 km away, when I had the need was here.
have been strong thanks to my brother with whom I have learned to talk late into the night, trusting my doubts, managing to beat the wall of shame that often between family members is inevitable.
I grew up and became a better person, the person most likely I love a day will have to live not only with Fabrizio but with the wall of uncertainty and pain that I built, it is easy to dream and do not face the reality Fabrizio.
Actually I've always preferred to live with certainty and be happy for what everyday life offers me, I have no dreams, expectations .. my dreams are surrounded of people I care, do not live in dreams but certainty and concrete commitments that make me happy now and not tomorrow, not if anything .. I'm not a dreamer.
Where are you? I understand that waiting is inevitable, do not ask.
I'm looking for to modify them in my mistakes, to know someone and build something with it, as if this time I had scratched my heart, I'm thinking why do not we want to be alone for a long time, I would like next to a person who makes me understand that I can I trust, I want a clean report that does not begin only from sex but from a mental and physical attraction, I would still maintain a sincere transport my space, my freedom, but respect and getting respect from someone I know that is not far away.
Maybe I grew up here in town, perhaps irreparably, and everything runs this leads us to distract us not to stop to hear a very sincere person who can give us more than to something beyond a cumshot, a person who can wait, that should not wonder, who can hear me .. I know how much to let go of the heart but still want to risk.
In 2008 I found a person with whom I had grown completely changed in his choices, his sexuality in his decisions and I understand.
Basically I understand that crying is not a defeat but a sincere truth to look inside, which sometimes rewards to be yourself because people still have the idea that if you built and you still can not change it.
I gave way so that the gaze rested on me, trying to understand them and sometimes we've laughed about.
Fabrizio you know, I realized that it makes no sense to cry on the opinions of strangers that can make it on my account if I have given rise, though I tried to raise a wall if that's what people want I can only see their game making me feel pampered and who truly embraces me every day, who really can scalfirgermi or the people that love me.
I Regret no, it was time to consume, but they are still alive.
So here I am today, it was not need to drink my usual glass of red wine was enough to let me go a long cigarette, even a matter of fact several long cigarettes.
But I like to observe this cigarette.
I like to see and think as you consume before my eyes, as the heat will burn and you have to run fumandola much as you can then remorse for failing to have it on for anything .. instill that's not how it works with your life?.
I take this moment while I'm on time.
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